


Without the Comfort of Shadows

by TreacherousGnome



Category: Homestuck, MS Paint Adventures
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Sburb Session, Gay Male Character, Gen, Homophobia, No Romance, gay female character, just dirk and jane bein' small town gay bffs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-30
Updated: 2016-05-08
Packaged: 2018-04-24 02:43:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4902505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TreacherousGnome/pseuds/TreacherousGnome
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Jane's Dad uproots their family from comfortable Washington state to the harsh unknowns of Texas, Jane struggles to adjust to her new life. It doesn't help that Jane isn't quite like her new classmates, and in a small homophobic town like this, different is one of the worst things a person can be, except for the kids who are outcasts themselves.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

                The air hung dry in the southern heat, causing Jane to give a small exhale as she tried in vain to cool it down some with a hand-made fan. She had expected it to be hot in Texas, but nothing quite prepared the 16-year-old for just how _stagnant_ it was. There was no wind here it seemed, not like in Washington, and the shadows provided so little protection from the blistering sun that they might as well have not been shadows at all.

                “Why don’t you tell us a lil’ something about yourself, Jane?”

                A male voice broke through her internal griping, and as a classroom full of new schoolmates turned to look at her, the girl stopped her fanning. Gosh, did she wish for the protection of shadows now…

                “Guess y’all aren’t used to this Texas sun yet, are ya?” the teacher laughed, and Jane fought back the urge to snap at him. It was her first day? Of course not?? It wasn’t her fault that Texas was hotter than the Devil’s backside.

                Instead, she gave a nervous chuckle. It might have been the life of general privacy she’d led up to this point, but large groups of people tended to sap her confidence pretty quick. “Guess not. Uh, h- hi, I’m Jane Crocker, and I just moved here because-” Because as heiress to a multi-billion dollar company I’ve been subject to one too many death threats from rival companies for my father to justify living in such a populated and well-known area? Because, somehow, I am still allowed no input on when ‘safe’ becomes ‘boring as hell’? “…because of my dad’s job,” she finished, giving a small nod.

                “What d’ya think of it so far?”

                “Um… hot?” Everyone laughed. Really though, she thought with a tight smile, what was there _to_ think of? It was _tiny_ , about a mile across, she’d been told, with a population that could fit on a third of that. There were _parks_ in Washington bigger than this.

                The teacher shot a friendly wink, leaving Jane slightly unnerved. “Well, here’s hopin’ you warm up to it real soon, huh?” Just like that, before she could respond (not that there was much of an answer to give anyway), the roll call continued, and, aside from the stares of curious teenagers, she was back to being invisible, and as for now, she didn’t mind at all.

                The bell soon rung, and Jane headed off to Math, hoping she found it without any incident. Thankfully, the school was fairly small (surprise), and its hallways weren’t sardine-packed ( _bigger_ surprise), so navigation wasn’t too much of a difficulty. It came as a small comfort, and before long Jane’s mind was wandering, trying to place names to faces of her fellow students. Homeroom hadn’t been too lengthy, but had been all the time she needed to realize that they were all similar, all parts of the crowd she walked through, forgettable names to forgettable faces.

                It wasn’t until she turned the corner that anything (or anyone) caught her eye. Two boys from her homeroom, Jesse and Trevor possibly, or was it Jason and Tyler? were stopped at a locker. It wasn’t suspicious in itself, of course, but lockers were assigned by last name, and the set for their homeroom was on the complete other end of the hallway. Looking around, she saw that no one else noticed, or perhaps no one else cared? Either way, though, she considered it her responsibility as a person who _did_ notice to put her sleuthing skills to the test. Though of course, sleuthing wasn’t always so direct.

                “Wow, I didn’t know we could change lockers!” The two gave a jump at her sudden and silent arrival, in a way that _certainly_ smelled like trouble.

                “Hey, you’re that… new girl. Jane, right?” one asked, almost sheepish. She nodded. “Right, so this ain’t exactly our locker.”

                “Oh?”

                They looked around, clearly not expecting anyone to approach them. “It’s uh, it’s Strider’s. You met Strider yet?”

                “I don’t believe I’ve had the pleasure.” What kind of a name was “Stryder” anyway?

                “Trust me, darlin’, ain’t no pleasure there. Fuckin’ Strider…” Either Jason or Trevor gave the locker they’d failed to break into a punch. “He thinks he can do whatever the hell he wants. Asshole just wanders the school, never talks, never takes off those _stupid_ sunglasses o’ his…” 

                Either Tyler or Jesse picked up where his friend had left off. “So we figure if someone takes away his dumbass Japan sword, maybe it’ll stop him from walkin’ around like he owns the goddamn place. You’re with us, right, new girl?”

                The name stung. She _was_ the new girl, free of people’s judgments and vendettas for the first time in _years_ , and she was willing to trade that in for what? For some kid she’d never met who honestly _did_ sound like a bit of a jerk? Mulling it over, the conclusion she came to almost disappointed her, and she bowed her head in slight shame. She had nothing here, but she’d have even less without her resolve. That was precisely what she was going to do.

                “Don’t you have _class_?” Jane sneered, though it was quite clear that they didn’t, at least not physically-speaking. She may not have been familiar with the social workings of public school too well, but peer pressure? That was low…

                Exasperated, they rolled their eyes. Strider wasn’t worth getting suspension, or even detention over. With mutterings of “ _whatever,_ ” the two skulked off down the hall, ducking skillfully out of the line of sight of any teachers who might have seen the exchange.               

                Well, there went any opportunities for popularity, she grimaced. Not that popularity was her goal, or even a strong interest, but it would have been nice to avoid the labels and reputations long enough to make at least one friend, especially considering that for the first time, she had no head start.

                That was the point, of course, of moving where no one knew her face, or who she was, or what multi-billion dollar company she was set to inherit, but it was somewhat jarring to get used to. Everyone back at home knew her, like it or not, and though the change of pace was certainly relaxing compared to that, it was the first time she’d ever had to actually try to make friends? Jane considered herself pretty friendly in the grand scheme of things, but even so, a whole day spent making idle conversation with idler classmates didn’t seem to be getting her much of anywhere. _Friendly_ , she thought several times over the course of the afternoon, _did not automatically mean a friend_.

On the brighter side though… maybe it was for the best? They’d come here so that for once in her life she could be _safe_ , and not have to worry about the kidnapping attempts and general sabotage that tended to surround her, and perhaps keeping other people at a distance was the easiest way to do it? Still, someone to talk to, even if it was barely about more than the weather or how she was liking it here so far would be better than being so alone.

                As she left her first day, still too hot and much too eager to find her father’s car, she felt someone’s eyes on her, directly on her, for the first time since she’d got here.

He was tall and slender, with dark skin and darker sunglasses, to the point where she couldn’t truthfully see if he _was_ looking at her, at least not in the two seconds she saw of him as they passed by on the walkway. The boy gave her little acknowledgement, merely a nod and a single wave, but it was the most anyone had given her all day.

                The boy carried a sword on his back.

                Another day, another location, she might have reached out to him, or at least waved back, but she’d missed that chance, too preoccupied with just standing there surprised like a moron. Fortunately for Jane though, she didn’t get too much time to dwell on it. Mr. Crocker’s car stood out from the Jeeps and trucks in the lot about as much as he, in his shirt and tie, stood out from their drivers, and Jane was more than happy to see them both.

                “Hi, Dad!”

                Their move had been stressful for him, far more than it’d been for her, even she had to admit. Yet, he smiled at her like nothing was wrong, and as he fell into the age-old, “How was school?” shtick, they momentarily forgot that anything was.

                In the back of his mind though, there was quite a bit to think on. He was still CEO of Betty Crocker Inc., Jane knew, and he’d been trying to fulfill all the responsibilities that came with that while living thousands of miles away. He handled it with grace though, like _everything_. _I was about your age_ , he’d always tell her, regardless of her age, _when your grandmother started teaching me how to run the business._

                Their familial chatter drew to a close as he pulled up next to their house, if you could call it that. She hadn’t mentioned the incident with the sword boy.

                It was a three bedroom on the outskirts of town, and though Jane didn’t want to be _impolite_ , the first word that consistently came to mind was _cramped_. Her dad had the largest bedroom, with the smallest being a makeshift office, but the fact that hers was “medium” didn’t change the fact that her bed touched both sides of the room at once. It had one bathroom, which was at least functioning, a living room that was the perfect size for two, and a decent-sized kitchen, all things considered, though it still fell an island or two short of being “impressive”.

                Jane placed her things neatly beside the door, and though she entered the bedroom, she struggled to call it “hers”. Not only were the walls bare of any posters or décor (Admittedly, she’d had the time to decorate, but the motivation? Certainly not!), but the entire house felt like it belonged to someone else, like it was never meant to have her here.

                With a sigh, she lay back on her bed as the walls blurred into the ceiling blurred into the floor. Her thoughts were pulled back to business talks with her father, and the words she must have heard hundreds of times throughout her life

                _It’ll all be yours one day, Janey_.

                From where she lay though, it seemed impossible that “all” extended much further than this sand-colored house in the desert.


	2. Chapter 2

                Fortunately, the rest of the week passed without much incident. Classes seemed easy enough, and the southern heat, though still scorching, seemed to be fading ever-so-slightly as September came into full force. Jane still hadn’t found many opportunities to make friends (though no one seemed too eager to provide any), but didn’t run into the Strider kid again, the only one who’d seemed to give her the time of day. She couldn’t tell for certain whether or not this was a good thing.

                It was the end of her first Friday though, when she _did_ spot something out of the ordinary, if even slightly: a flyer, in simple print, advertising:

JUNIOR CLASS FUNDRAISING BAKE SALE

ALL PROCEEDS GO TOWARD FUNDING THE SPRING FLING

NEXT MONDAY IN THE MAIN HALL

                For the first time since she arrived at this shoebox of a town, Jane found herself beaming, and ran off to sign up. Her thoughts raced as she did, perhaps a bit more freely than they should have, but as free as was to be expected from a 16-year-old. There she was, beaming as the classmates who’d given her only civil greetings before now gasped, overwhelmed with the pastries she’d brought. “ _Why Jane_ , _you simply_ must _bring these brownies to my next party!” “Oh, Miss Crocker, this cheesecake is so good you deserve an A.”_ Because this was something she was _good_ at, something in her blood even, and even if it wasn’t, it was something she _liked_ , loved even, which was more than she could claim of any of the other activities the school provided.

                Of course, Jane’s father was not as excited as she was. In fact, he was outright furious (not that he’d ever say so).

                “Baking, Jane, really? Must I remind you _why_ we’re here?”

                “To get away from that, I know, but Dad-” Her words were rushed, too filled with excitement for her to take things slowly.

                “Jane.” He set his coffee down.

                “It’s something I’m _good_ at! And there’s a chance people might actually _like_ it!”

                “ _Jane_.”

                “And what else are people going to like, my _detective skills_? Academics maybe, but it’s Texas, so let’s be real, it’s not too much of an achievement-”

                He frowned, contemplating all that he’d known, all he’d _taught_ her about their situation and how to go about living here, against the barrage of information she was throwing at him. “There’s no one who seems to recognize you, or your name, or even anyone that might have anything against you? No one at all?”

                That threw her, and her frantic pacing came to a standstill as her eyes widened. The answers were no’s across the board, of course.

                Except for-

                But that had been so long ago, practically a week already! And it hardly counted as “having something against her”, not even something she’d call a fight, just conflict and resolution at work, really not worth mentioning at all. Jane turned her head upward, pretending her panicked gaze was one of contemplation instead.

                “Nope!”

                He was skeptical, but wasn’t he always? “Alright…” A long sigh. “But be careful!”

                “Iwilldontworry!” Jane called, already rushing off to the store. 

                And come Monday, the bake sale table was near-overflowing with pastries, cakes, and cookies (as well as a few packs of Oreos donated by other students, but everyone tried to forget about those), and while Jane’s rise to popularity wasn’t as high and instantaneous as it had been in her dreams, it was… something.

                “Wow, who made these ones?” people would ask, and Jane would give a shy smile and introduce herself, surprised at how easy it seemed now. The faces that just days ago couldn’t have cared less whether she was there or not now seemed exciting, almost eager, to say hello, even if it was just that.

                She couldn’t help but give a sigh almost of relief. It was such a familiarity to be _known_ for something, to _be_ something again, and she beamed, feeling an ease that rarely came, and as the days passed and the friendly demeanor of her classmates remained, Jane found herself with a small collection of friends and acquaintances. There were none she’d consider best friends, all very surface-level relationships, but she no longer sat alone at lunch, and that was all she could ask for.

                So just like that, it felt like everything was finally, _finally_ falling into place. School was picking up enough that it made for a decent distraction most nights, and her free time was mostly taken up by friends, or at least surface level friends, and some days she almost forgot that she was trapped in a town where the most exciting thing to do was go to the Walmart that just opened on the highway.

                Mr. Crocker’s meanwhile, was mostly relieved to be getting back to work, and even rented out an office to keep in contact with the HQ back in Seattle. It was a bit of a nuisance, running a multi-million dollar corporation from a small town on his own, but if it meant more safety for Jane, it was worth it. Of course, that meant that he wasn’t around to offer rides home every day, but they lived ten minutes _max_ from the school, even by foot, so it wasn’t too hard to adapt. One of the few perks of a town like this.

                It was about mid-October when Jane began her now-usual walk back to the house. She gave a cheery goodbye and wave to a girl from her biology class, and set off, smile wide and arms relaxed at her sides without a care in the world.

                The walk was short, yes, but it did give her a bit of time to admire the vast azure skies, something that just didn’t see to _exist_ in Washington. The town may have been the size of a toothpick, but the land around it seemed to go on for _miles_ , free and endless, and as she often did, Jane found herself getting caught up in how vast it felt compared to her new home.Unfortunately for the distracted teenager, her eyes on this particular day could have stood to pay a bit more focus on what was in front of her. Right in front of her, in fact.

                “Hey, new girl.”

                It was…  they were, um- well, truth be told, she never _did_ learn their names, but the voice in front of her absolutely belonged to one of the two boys in her in her homeroom who she’d had a… run in with her first week.

                “Er, hi?”

                Jane hadn’t any idea what he could want here and now, a few weeks later and… on a side street with no one around. Shoot.

                He held a wooden bat, and in any other circumstance, she would have assumed the boy had just come from baseball practice. But the weight with which he carried it was sinister enough to send chills down her spine.

                “None of your new friends walking your home today, huh?” The voice came not from the smirking teenager in front of her, but from down the sidewalk a ways, and Jane turned around to see the other half of the duo, also wielding a bat. She hoped her gulp was not overtly visible.

                “Is… this because I didn’t let you steal that kid’s sword?”

                “It’s because you’re just _like_ that kid,” one gritted out. “All high and mighty, and thinkin’ you’re so goddamn important all the time.”

                They started forward from either side, and with another being blocked by fence, the street served as her only means of escape, though Jane knew better than to think she’d get too far too quick. Being heiress to a baking company came with its perks, but a lithe figure was not one of them, unfortunately.

                They were about a foot away now.

                “Now it’s time you pay for it.”

                Her heart pounded so hard it felt like it could run away for her. Jane saw the weapons wind back and instinctively tensed every muscle. She cried out as one collided with the back of her knees, causing her to collapse to the sidewalk and clutch her legs in sheer panic as they got ever-closer. Breath came out in bursts. Eyes slammed shut in a last ditch attempt to soften the next blow.

                It was a blow that, it turned out, needed no softening. Bushes rustled and something hit the fence behind them, but the only thing she felt was a sharp gust of wind brush past as an unfamiliar voice growled, “Get behind me!”

                Her vantage point from the ground showed only the terror on the assailants’ now cowering faces, and while Jane couldn’t see the face of the black-clad boy in front of her, the Japanese blade he brandished was more than enough to distinguish him.

                “Strider, this has nothin’ to fucking do with you.”

                “Really? And here I was thinking I was pretty goddamn important.” he mocked, wasting no time before taking a step back and lifting the sword ready to swing. It was clear Strider was more than just talk.         

                The metallic – _shink_ – of his sword collided with something, then another something, as she felt him whip around. Bats clattered to the ground, well-away from their grasp in almost perfect unison; if their faces were angry before, they were livid now. Jane did her best to tune it all out for a moment, letting her world extend no further than the patch of sidewalk she sat on, experiencing nothing but the pulsating _agony_ where the bat had collided with the back of her knees. However, as painful as it was to stand, it was just so demeaning to be sprawled on the ground. So she rose to her feet, gripping at the fence like a crutch and trying silently to regain her composure.

                She could hear him shouting at them, though it was all so surreal that she couldn’t make out words. The boys’ anger seemed to fade fast after Strider just barely touched his sword to their necks, and instead turned into sheer terror. It was only moments before they tore off down the street, and their assailant, her savior at this point, turned back to Jane.

                “Can you walk okay?” Compared to only moments ago, his words were quiet, nervous, almost, and it would have been funny if her knees weren’t radiating pain right now.

                “I, uh…” She took a tentative step, and would have found herself with a faceful of pavement for the second time if she didn’t grab the fence at the last minute. “Not really.”

                A gloved hand gestured back to the school. “Should I call an ambulance?”

                “No! They’re just, terribly sore. I- think it’ll fade in a while.” It hadn’t been a full-force hit, but good _gosh_ if it didn’t smart right now. Fighting back tears, especially in front of the intimidating blonde, she thought back to conversations with her father, and all the warnings about ‘staying out of trouble’ she’d ignored. “My dad’s gonna kill me.”

                “Kill _you_?” He looked surprised. Maybe. His eyes were obstructed by the ridiculous shades again, but Jane just barely noticed his eyebrows raise behind them.

                “I- he’s…” This was new. The topic of her family hadn’t come up with her other friends at all, thankfully, but not even five minutes talking and the secrets of the Crocker family were relevant. “I promised I’d stay out of trouble. I… never told him about the thing at the lockers.”

                “So don’t tell him about this. You said it’ll be better in a few hours, why not just rest ‘till he gets back, pretend it never happened?” Strider grabbed his backpack then, pulling out a few cans of soda and a raggedy gym shirt. Before Jane could even voice her curiosity, he had torn the shirt into pieces and held them out to her. “It’s not great, but it’ll probably help with the swelling.” It wasn’t exactly the ice pack she would have hoped for right now, but it was… something.

                Was he… joking? “I can’t walk.”

                The boy smiled a surprisingly genuine smile. “I’ll give you a ride. My brother’s truck is around the corner.” Truck. Of course. She nodded reluctantly, and Strider started jogging down the road while she leaned against the fence, too exhausted to even stand on her throbbing legs. With pressure off of them again, Jane was able to tie the cold cans awkwardly to the back of her knees just in time for a copper pick-up truck to pull up next to her, and he hopped out to open the door.

                 “Thank you… I mean it, thank you.”

                He shrugged, but there was definitely a hint of a smile on his freckled face. “You saved my ass, figured I’d save yours, c’mon.” Eyeing the ground, he slowly picked up her bag, slinging it effortlessly over his back before extending a glove-clad hand.

                What choice did she have to accept? With a tentative step, she got into the passenger seat, only slightly less suspicious of him than she would be normally. Strider (was that seriously his name?) was still… odd, and off in ways she couldn’t exactly put her finger on, to the point where getting into a car with him was unwise, but he had helped her, twice now in fact, and that was worth something in her book.

                “I’m Dirk.”

                _Dirk_. It was the first time either of them had spoken since she’d given him directions. “Jane.”

                He gave a bitter laugh. “I’d ask you how you liked it here, but I can’t imagine you actually do.”

                It was surprising how genuine her laugh was. Nice as her new friends were, it was such a relief not to _pretend_ the way she did with them.

                “It’s not… _terrible_.”

                “Give it time.” In reality, that would probably end up being true, but she was going to hope she wasn’t here long enough to find out.  Instead, she decided to ask him about a more pressing issue.

                “Why are you helping me?”

                “Like I said,” he shrugged. “You helped me.”

                “All I did was notice some creeps somewhere they shouldn’t be. She gestured around to his car. “This seems a bit…” Much? “Generous.”

                “Does it?” His terse demeanor momentarily loosened, and he sounded almost nervous. “It was more than anyone else ever did.”

                “Oh.” That was… sad.

                “Nah, don’t do that shit, fuck ‘em. You’re cool is all I’m sayin’. You’re… different. Don’t let this place get to ya.”

                “I’ll certainly try.” They smiled at each other with the kind of understanding not commonly found, especially in a town this size, and she realized that despite his oddness, or even downright frighteningness, she quite liked this boy. Trusted him, even.

                Then, all too soon, they pulled up at her miserable box of a home, and Jane was reminded of her wounds with a painful twinge. At some point in the conversation, she’d almost forgotten about it, which made the thought of going back to isolation for another few hours all the less appealing.

                “Well, I’ll see at school… Dirk. Again, thank you, really.” One good thing about the house is that it was close to the curb, so as soon as she could grab her bag, she stumbled her way into the house. Things went smoothly after that. With weary steps, Jane managed to make her way to the washroom and drew up a bath, all too happy to submerge herself into relaxation after what was one of the most eventful days she’d had in months, assassination attempts included. Jane thought back to her earliest assumptions of the town, about how dull it would most likely be, and couldn’t help but chuckle at how wrong she’d been.


	3. Chapter 3

                Things between Jane and Dirk didn’t change quite as much as Jane would have liked after that, though they gave each other a nod in the hallways whenever they saw each other. Friends and school still took up most of her time, unfortunately, but he didn’t seem to hold it against her. When she was alone, they would chat, though it never lasted too long, and when she was around people, he would steer clear. Jane had started to get the inkling that it wasn’t just the boys from homeroom who disliked him, and that the feeling was a two-way street.

                But of course, because her life was the turbulent mess it was, none of it could last.

                It happened at lunch (didn’t it always?) while she was surrounded by all of them.

                “So Jane, anybody you’re thinkin’ of askin’ to the spring fling yet?” Her name was… Taylor, maybe?  She still couldn’t quite remember. The rest of the table, who all might have been named Taylor for all Jane knew, erupted into giggles so infectious she almost joined in out of politeness.

                “Oh, I don’t even know if I’m going to be honest.”

                “What? Jane, it’s the Spring Fling, _everyone_ goes.” This was the most scandalous thing she had heard all day apparently.

                “Everyone?”

                “Everyone important, anyway.”

                Jane frowned a little. It wasn’t that she was opposed to dances; they were actually great fun, at least when with the right girl. But so far, she’d yet to find the right girl among the school of 300, and at this point she was pretty sure there weren’t any. “What about Theo? He’s cute. Or maybe Brett? Brett would _definitely_ say yes.” She rattled off a few more, the table giggling at nearly all of them, and Jane wasn’t sure whether it was ruder to interrupt her or let her keep talking.

                “It’s just that…” She was met by a table of intrigue, even some confusion. Had this really never come up? “I don’t really like guys.”

                Jaws dropped. Curious eyes narrowed in disgust.

_“Oh.”_

                She sensed immediately that this had been a mistake. _Shit._

                They changed the topic to the English homework no one had done, and Jane got the sense to stay quiet for the rest of the hour. The next day when she went to sit when them, their table was full. It was all the message she needed.

                The next week, she found herself much like she had the first. In class, no one talked to her. When she waved, it was like she didn’t exist. At lunch, she sat alone, and no one even looked over in curiosity anymore.

                Had this been what she wanted? It was comfortable, in some small, sad ways, to be free of the chatter and simplicity that had just started to fill her days.

                No, she concluded, this was _not_ what she’d wanted. It would almost be preferable if they glared at her, or shouted things, or acknowledged her in any way. She had wanted shade, yes, but isolation felt colder right now than a Seattle winter.

                It only got worse when she walked into homeroom one morning and was immediately handed a letter.

                _Dear student_ , it began, _it has come to our attention that you have failed to meet the expectations of our faculty, and may pose a risk to the reputation of our school. For this reason, you will not be allowed entry to the upcoming Spring Fling, in which students are allowed to bring only a partner of the opposite sex. We thank you for your understanding._

She couldn’t.

                She couldn’t do this.

                Tears threatened to leave a river wherever she went, as first period changed to second and second changed to third, but she, with Herculean strength, held it together. She threw everything into her work to avoid thinking about that letter and what it meant and what she _was_ , but it could only distract her for so long.

                She lasted about five minutes into lunch before she found herself overwhelmed by all that had happened, and fell into quiet tears. She was silent, and she was subtle, not wanting to remind them that not only was she here, but that she was vulnerable, and so she collected her things, and strode to the door, _barely_ keeping it together.

                Outside, of course, was a different story. There was no one to judge or point or mock, meaning her tears could flow freely, and while her sobs still went fully unrestrained, they were definitely audible. It had just all been going so _well_! She had friends, she was happy, and for once she could pretend that she was jus a _normal_ kid.

                But… she wasn’t normal, and sometimes she hated that. It usually wasn’t a big deal, in Seattle liking girls was almost more of an afterthought, but here it had made her something worse than invisible Within a day, she’d become _nothing_ to anyone, a disease and embarrassment to the people that were supposed to protect her, and it was so far from what she wanted that she could scarcely believe she used to wish for this kind of isolation.

                And all because she had to open her _stupid_ mouth.

                Another urge to scream hit her, and she just barely held it back this time, instead biting her lip and closing her eyes so she wouldn’t have to see her tears hit the pavement. Her grip on her knees tightened and she longed more than anything for home, her _real_ home back in Washington, where no one, herself included, cared about the ignorant opinions of a handful of high school kids from the South.

                She was so absorbed in this train of thought that she barely noticed a figure step into the shade and squat next to her. He said nothing, unsure if he’d even been noticed yet, or if his presence was even wanted.

                Jane’s eyes flicked to him for a fraction of a second, not sure how to read his frown behind those goofy sunglasses

                “It’s really not a good time.”

                He nodded in earnest. “Do you need me to go slice some people up?”

                If not for the fear he’d actually do it, Jane would have accepted in a heartbeat. She shook her head.  “Do you hate me too?”

                “What?” He sounded genuinely shocked. “Why would I?”

                Had he not heard as much as he thought he did? “Because I’m-” She couldn’t bring herself to choke it out. On the slim chance he didn’t know, she’d be losing the best friend she had here, the only friend she had left now. He was speaking to her, which was more than the rest of the school was doing, but she and Dirk were still essentially strangers, and for all she knew, he could be the most homophobic of the lot.

                “What, because you’re _gay_?” He paused as she took it in, almost too shocked to be relieved. “Shit, you got a letter, didn’t you?” A weak nod.

                “Here.”

                Only every few words got absorbed, but it was all he needed to read. Jane half watched him as he did, but mostly tried to focus only on drying the tears that had built up over lunch. Dirk had never been the best at dealing with feelings, but damn if it didn’t look like some feelings had to get dealt with now.

                “You know there’s like… nothing wrong with you, right?” It sounded hollow and fake, and it was exactly how Jane interpreted it.

                She sneered. “How would _you_ know?”

                “Because I’m perfect? Obviously? So if I say there’s nothing wrong with you, there isn’t. End of story.” Confidence shone through his tone as much as loudly as he could fake it. Jane remained doubtful. This was _not_ going well.

                “Also, uh…” Dirk paused. It had been a long time since he had confessed this to someone. “I like dudes.”

                Wait…

                What was that now? “Are _you_ - _“_

Dirk smirked as he reached into his pocket, pulling out a letter about the dance nearly identical to the one she’d just shown him, except for _his_ name scrawled on the top. “ _Gay_ , Jane, it’s okay if you say it.”

                How could he be so _used_ to this? How could he take being banned from dances, and events, and who knew _what_ else with such a brilliant smirk? “In Washington, I never had to. It was never important to most people. I never even considered…”

                “That people suck?” Dirk laughed, but it was more tired than she’d heard his voice get before.

                A nod.

                 “Yeah, well, welcome to Texas.”

                Right, of course. She’d known that this kind of thing happened here, but it was almost unfathomable that it was real, as if it was the kind of thing that only happened in a dream she could hardly remember. “Do people know? About you?”

                He sighed. “It was some kid who worked on my asshole neighbor’s ranch. He was a little quiet, but he was nice.” Dirk paused, rubbing his gloved-hands together in a way that would mean nervousness in a lesser man. “My cousin found out, and within a week, he’d moved back to… wherever he was from, leaving me here to deal with _this_ shit.” He gestured to the letter he was currently using as a napkin.

                “I’m sor-”

                “Don’t.” His lips tightened.

                The air hung as thick as the the tension between the two, and Jane tried to think of a way out of it.

                “What are the odds, right? Both of us?” she laughed.

                “I swear, we sniff each other out. It’s like an instinct.” They leaned back against the rough brick.

                There was a weary sort of knowledge in the way he said it, enough so that she wondered if this had happened before, but said nothing, not wanting to distract from the moment she at least imagined they were having.

                “So what now?” The calm reminded her of why they were here, why _she_ specifically she was here, away from the people she used to call her friends and squatting on hot cement instead of eating at a table. She remembered the boys with bats and how they hadn’t even _known_ then. Would Dirk and his sword be enough to stop them now that she was different in a way they could actually _label?_ It was a turning point,  she knew that much, but the future, at least until she got out of this wretched hole, didn’t feel like anything but a cliff over which she had no choice but to jump.

                “Now we stick together.”

                It was hardly comforting.


	4. Chapter 4

                The days that followed were a peak in the rollercoaster that was her time here, and it felt like for once it might last for more than a moment. Classes were still quiet, but she preferred them that way, lunch was her and Dirk on the bleachers, talking about books or copying homework. Afternoons were the two of them driving around the sleepy barren streets, usually ending up at Walmart, or her trying in vain to teach him to cook (The boy was nearly as thin as the sword he carried) or him trying just as successful to interest her in his robots. But it was more than she ever expected to have, and everything she could have asked for.

                Most lunch hour’s people left them alone like the social scourge they apparently were, which was all well and good by the two of them, but others were a bit more eventful.

They sat sharing lunches and watching their own sliver of the world go by one afternoon when among the throngs were Jane’s old friends, and their possibly-Taylor-named leader still chattering loudly about the Spring Fling. 

                “So you’re gonna ask her to the dance, right?” It was just as deadpan as anything else he said, but Jane was starting to learn when he was kidding. She mock gagged, but thoughts of the dance she had all but forgotten lingered. “Right on. Fuck these stupid things.”

                To that, she could only shrug. “I kind of like them. People are well dressed, there’s dancing, and there’s delicious food.” It reminded her of home, Seattle big-city home, where things like that happened at least semi-regularly, rather than once or twice a year.

                Thinking back on the miserable years of dances he tried so desperately to avoid, Dirk snorted. “Maybe in your neck of the woods. In about a month, all that’s gonna happen is everyone competing over who can look the most like a shitty boutique took a dump on them, someone will spike the punch, and everyone’s going to head back to a motel and hope they’re not the one that gets pregnant this year.”

                “Aw, no part of you wants to watch the train wreck?” Jane laughed. It seemed appealing, if only a little bit.

Dirk clicked his tongue, leaning back against the cool metal. “Nice try. You wanna go see if it lives up to your expectations, you’ll have to face the swarms alone.”

That was something Jane was absolutely _not_ willing to do, and she frowned at the realization. It would have been nice for a small taste of home, but he was probably pretty spot-on with just how similar (or not) it would be. Perhaps another time she would have argued the point a bit more, if not for the guest they’d just received, which for them, was quite the rarity. She smiled righteously at Jane, who offered a weak grin in return.

                “Hi there.” Jane knew she was in a few of her classes, but other than that, she couldn’t remember a thing about the girl.

                “Hi! Do you wanna come have lunch with me and _my_ friends?”  Nothing seemed wrong with the request on the surface, but there was a hint of hostility buried underneath.

               “Oh, we uh-” Should they? It was an awfully nice request, especially after the solitude she’d been forced into lately, but she looked over at Dirk for his thoughts. He remained tight-lipped as ever.

                The girl kind of gasped. “Ooh no, I wasn’t talking to _him._ ” She said it like a dirty word. “ _You_ seem okay, despite your… issues.” Translation: ‘You’re a dirty homo, but you match our definition of socially acceptable so we’re willing to try and forget about it if you will.’

                Her eyes flashed between the girl and Dirk, and there wasn’t a choice to make.

“Sorry, I uh… think I’m good here.”

                Until now, Dirk had been slumped dejectedly, tense at whatever she’d say, but he brightened almost immediately and even grinned a little. Her classmate was doing anything but, though, and her expression turned nasty as she moved to walk away. “Fine! Be a weirdo! See if I try to help _you_ again!” And with a stomp she was off, leaving Jane to only shrug at whatever that had just been.

                They resumed their quiet eating until about ten minutes before lunch ended, when Dirk spoke up. “Hey, uh, thanks.”

“For like, I don’t know, choosing me?”

                “ _Choosing_ you?” You aren’t a puppy, Dirk.” He was ridiculous sometimes.

                “Yeah, yeah… just, I don’t know, thanks for not sucking?” He looked over at her with such a genuine smile that she would have hugged him, if she wasn’t sure he’d immediately push away. The bell rang then, just in time for them to head their separate ways to class.

After school on the day of the Spring Fling, Jane was alone in her room, some small frustrating part of her still wishing she had never said anything, had just swallowed her pride and asked some non-threatening irrelevant boy and been _normal_ for a night. Maybe, by some miniscule chance, it would have been worth it, if only for the change in scenery, or for a part of the high school experience™. But she hadn’t, and maybe if she threw herself into her book enough, she would be okay with that.

A sharp knock on her front door broke her train of thought.

Downstairs, Dirk Strider stood on her front porch with a cheap tuxedo print t-shirt and a homemade flower crown, and when Jane opened the door, she barely had words.

                “Dirk,” It was half a laugh, half a sigh. “What... are you doing?”

                His smirk, as usual, was infectious. “What does it look like? We’re going to the dance.”

                “We’re _not_ going to the dance.”

                “Well, what am I going to with this limo then?” He gestured back to what was very clearly _not_ a limo, but his pickup truck, looking as old and beat-up as ever. Again, Jane raised her eyebrow in inquiry, eyeing the crown.

                “And what is _that_?”

“It’s a corsage Jane, c’mon, it obviously goes on your head.” His mock eye roll was almost visible.

                “This is…” she turned it over in her hands, “literally just a headband with fake flowers glued to it.”

                “Yes, and I bought it the same place I bought this snazzy tux, so if you want to match…”

On her head it went.

                “What are you doing?” she couldn’t help but laugh, “You remember the part of this where  I was a lesbian, and that we _can’t_ go, right?”

                “As long as you haven’t forgotten I exclusively like dick.” Touché.

                “Then what’s going on?”

                “You told me that you wanted good food, nice clothes, and dancing,” He counted them on his fingers. “so that’s what I, as your friend, am giving you.”

                The words brought a lot of reason to be doubtful, even nervous, but she took his outstretched arm regardless and hopped into his truck. He, despite assumption, was one of the most trustworthy people she knew.

                But, where _could_ they be going? He was driving the opposite direction of the school, and didn’t seem too concerned about it. The answer came about ten minutes later,  when they pulled into a parking lot and Jane saw the sign in cheap neon letters. A freakin’ Walmart.

                “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

                “Here we aare!” he singsonged, running around to open the door for her. She had half a mind to stay in the truck.

                “If you’re hoping to dazzle me, Dirk, I’m afraid I’m still waiting.” Truth be told, Jane had never been to a Walmart before, but if the flickering lights and the… colorful locals that seemed to shop there were anything to go by, she wouldn’t hasten her return after tonight.

                He kept walking. “Are you hungry? I’m hungry. I could eat a -, well, not a horse, obviously, I would die before I ate a horse, and it’s not  extreme enough of a hunger for such an exaggeration anyway, y’know? But I _am_ hungry enough to eat a cow, which is fortunate because that’s just the sort of quality grub they sell here.”

                “How thrilling for you.”

                They stepped inside the doors and gave a polite nod to the woman greeting them. Her smile was as fake as the flowers on Jane’s head, but the girl didn’t mind. At least this woman could pretend. Behind her, a small distance, was another neon sign, this time adorned with golden arches, and this time the absurdity was too much for Jane to take with a straight face.

                “This is your quality grub?” She made no effort to hide her laughter. “A McDonalds?” The last time Jane had been here had been years ago, and her heart wasn’t exactly breaking over the fact, but she followed her friend to the counter anyway.

                “Big Mac combo, please. And for the lady?”

                “A Chicken Sandwich, please.”

                 She would have offered to pay, but he seemed insistent, and there were enough school lunches she’d paid for that it didn’t seem a crime to let him pick up the tab just this once. They chatted as they ate, as if it was any other night, and after a while Jane couldn’t, and wouldn’t deny how nice it felt. It was… normal, the way she imagined prom would have been, and she was thankful, honestly, that Dirk had dragged her out. The “sweet grub” was possibly the more unpleasant things she’d eaten in her life (the Crockers had never been big on fast food), and the plastic and cloth amalgamation on her head was in a constant state of falling off, but she hardly acknowledged them.

                “Does Walmart have a secret ballroom I don’t know about?”  she wondered. The grease was still fresh on their wrappers, but the food inside was no more, and Jane’s thoughts were no free to wander back to Dirk’s other promise, and the unlikelihood he would keep it.

                He smirked, because of course he did, and started gathering up their garbage. “Something like that.”

                Several minutes later, the two found themselves in the electronics section, standing not in front of a ballroom or even a clear expanse of floor, but instead, a Dance Dance Revolution machine.

                He presented her two quarters with all the grace of a prince.

                “I’ve never played this before, just so you know.”

                “I’ll go easy on ya.”

                It was a far stretch from the grace and poise she was _choosing_ to believe was going on at the dance right now, and there was a part of her, as there always was, who ached for that grace, for being lead around by a boy she found cute (or even moderately attractive) as something slow played over the loudspeakers. Instead, she was here with Dirk, at a DDR machine in the middle of a Walmart. She beamed.

                 It was a disaster of course, much like the fast food was, with pounding _untz_ ’s serving as the soundtrack to her flailing, off-rhythm steps, and just like before, she didn’t care. As it turned out, Dirk was  amazing at Dance Dance Revolution, and if he _was_ taking it easy on her, he wasn’t making it obvious. More than once, Jane could hear his jeers over the beat of the atrocious cover songs they danced to, but dare she say, it was perfect, and she couldn’t stop laughing if she wanted to. But she did stop

                But she did stop eventually, as they slumped over half an hour later, sweaty and out of breath. Her crown had been bobby-pinned down at this point, or else it would have fallen off ages ago, and the same was true of Dirk’s sunglasses, but now that they were out of quarters, he returned the clips to her.

                “Let’s go.”

                “Hey, um,” Jane hunched her shoulders a bit. “Thank you for this, really.”

                They were sitting outside now, tired and full, and still looking ridiculous. “Eh. Don’t worry about it.”

                A part of Jane was almost panicked at the notion that they were just _loitering_ , with no plans on buying anything, or really any plans to do anything. But the notion also occurred to her that this was… what teenagers did?  Even the friendships she’d had back in Washinton had never felt so _structureless,_ she was after all, heiress to a massive company, which  came with no small amount of guidelines as to the types you could associate with. Here though, no one cared, least of all her, and it was the most genuine human connection she could recall ever having.

                “I thought tonight was going to be miserable.”

                “Okay cool, so you admit it _wasn’t_ , then?” he said cockily. Jane would have punched his arm if she wasn’t sure it would hurt her more than it did him.

                “It wasn’t.” Mock reluctance was heavy in Jane’s voice, but his smile was content anyway, and he meant every muscle of it.

                “Good. ‘Cause you deserved to get your dance, lame though it might have been. Way more than any of those assholes deserved it.” He pointed a long finger at her. “You sure you still don’t want to go Carrie on their taffeta-covered asses? We could still find some animal blood somewhere and make it to the school in time. The wind will be in our favor, cars will crash into each other veering out of our way in utter _majesty_ , because they know any crap they’re trying to do ain’t got _dick_ on our nasty-ass shenanigans.” His smile was a little too triumphant.

How bad was it, though, that Jane was actually _considering_ that? If for no other reason than she felt like she owed him one. A big One. “At least then _you’d_ get some enjoyment out of the night.”

                “Whoa, _hold_ your horses, Crocker. Are you sayin’ I didn’t have a good time tonight?”

                Was he possibly saying he _did_? “Well, it’s just that it was for my benefit? And don’t get me wrong, I absolutely appreciate it, but I’m quite positive you have better things to do on a Friday night than cheer my gloomy self up.”

                "Like hell I do!" He almost sounded serious. "Jane, you, and I mean this in the least heterosexual way possible, are the best thing about this piece of shit town. Even banging my toe on the DDR machine, which was he most "inconveniencing" thing that happened all evening, was worth ten of whatever bullshit I would've ended up doing had I stayed home… This was cool. _You're_ cool.”

                While she couldn’t agree, particularly with the last bit, the sentiment comforted Jane, and she relaxed against the back of the bench.

                “You’re not so bad yourself.”

                They both gazed up at the sky just in time to watch the last wisps of the sun duck behind the horizon. Across town, they were rejected, forgotten about; they simply didn’t exist, but neither gave a shit, because here, watching the sunset on what had been one of the better days they’d each had in a long while, was better than any night of itchy clothes and slow jams. The sun had set now, and the night was for anything they wanted to be.

**Author's Note:**

> Wow, about time I started using this account, huh? As of now, Without the Comfort of Shadows is the only fic I've posted here, and though it's not the only fic I've written, it's one of the first I actually intend to finish. Though I've been writing a long time, it was only recently that I started sharing my stories online with people, so feedback is VERY much appreciated. If you feel up to it, leave it here, but if you'd prefer, you can always reach me at treacherousgnome.tumblr.com. Thanks for reading!


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